I Don’t Know How to Pray as I Should
We have heard great news over the last month. The vaccinations are working, and the infection rate has dropped precipitously. The great news that came that the restrictions will be lifted, hopefully in June, and we will be free to re-gather. Later this month we will send information about when and how we will re-gather, but first I wanted to talk about the mix of feelings that I and many others are having about coming to the end of this year of lockdown. Recently, Kim sent me this prayer by Nadia Bolz-Weber that really sums up the mixture of gratitude and anxiety that many have about what we have been through and where we are going in the future.
(Sunday Morning Prayer, March 21, 2021)
I don’t know how to do this part.
I don’t know how to stop that embarrassing, “but when is it MY turn?” thought when I see others getting their vaccination. I don’t know how to wait well.
I don’t know how to not have it all feel like those last 5 minutes before the recess bell —
when I can’t sit still and behave anymore.
God, I also don’t know how to do the next part.
How will I stop fearing that our human bodies are a danger to each other?
How will I find the energy to show up again? How will I ever small talk again?
And, importantly, what will I judge others for when I can no longer judge them
for not wearing masks? (I’m sure I will find something.)
Gently remind me that a year ago I didn’t know how to live through
the evaporation of all my plans, and the death of those I loved, and social turmoil,
and the end of Schitt’s Creek, and an isolation I thought I surely could not bear…
I did not know how I was going to live without travel and sacraments and movie theaters
and hugging my parents and yet …somehow, I did.
Help me remember that we somehow got through this year without first knowing
how we would do it and that you have been in every moment already,
and you will be in every moment to come. So, I thank you that you are my somehow,
that your sweet Holy Spirit has accompanied me, equipped me, and comforted me —
even when I failed to notice it, feel it, believe it or be grateful for it.
Feel free to take these words and add your own feelings and flair as we move forward into the unknown future, especially the gratitude to God for seeing us through. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.
Because of Christ,